someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
