If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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