you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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