He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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