new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
