look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
