I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
this is an emotional support booty call
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
