It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
