she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
