I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
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he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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