i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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