Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
