I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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