I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
