im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
