she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
