There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
