Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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