I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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