i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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