Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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