thus making me awesome and them whores
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
