Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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