Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
