Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
