This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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