You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
