arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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