I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
