she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
