dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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