Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Vodka?
Forever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
