First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
