Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
