Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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