I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
should my penis look like a turkey
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
