I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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