Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
