It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You ate ashes out of my bong
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
