The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I forget how to act sober
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
