she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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