He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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