and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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