I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She even gives head with a lisp.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
