Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
