i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
