I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
