you guys were way drunker than both of me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
