how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
