would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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