The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
