Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
