I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
