Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
