i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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