I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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