is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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