the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
