you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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