pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
