How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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