My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.