Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize