and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great