the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel