woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night