Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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