I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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