Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
