i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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