We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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