so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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