Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
