But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
