Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
