Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
