Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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