i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
