I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
