I'm passing your future prison.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
