what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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