I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
