belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Blood and glitter go together right?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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