Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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