Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
