fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
