Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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