I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
